I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
