made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
