"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
