I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm passing your future prison.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
