I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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