It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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