about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
