I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
