somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
