he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
