Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
