sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
