you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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