I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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