I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
