The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
