some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
