We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i love accidental penises.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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