Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
