I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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