My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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