yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
