I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
