ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
