It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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