Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
