I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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