I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
