can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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