When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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