Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
3pm strippers are depressing
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
