i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
