You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
