She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
