I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
