i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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