I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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