I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
