yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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