I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
