girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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