There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
