Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
