you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
