Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
