my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
