I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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