apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
