youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
