FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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