Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
