A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
