Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
