So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
