I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
