so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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