i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
