a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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