I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
