You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
