So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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