The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
