Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
