hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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