So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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