where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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