if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also, beer. Big fan.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
