I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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