I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
