Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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