Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
