Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
